I found out seven weeks ago that my wife of over ten years, who I've been with for nearly two decades, cheated on me.
I'm not exactly sure why I'm putting this out there, but it's not something that you share with casual friends over coffee.
"So how was your weekend?"
"Well, to be honest, it sucked. I found out my wife has been having an affair for the last month. So it coulda been better. How was your weekend?"
But there's so much in my head and I need to get it out and maybe someone out there can help me get my head on straight. And I just need an outlet to get a lot of this stuff out of my head. And nothing screams anonymous outlet like the Internet.
Plus, I figured the Internet needed another completely self-absorbed blog.
Let me be clear about a couple of things:
1. I love this woman. The moment I found out, I wasn't furious, I didn't bust out every window in the house, I didn't go psycho, I didn't set fire to her clothing. I thought to myself "Oh my God. I love her. How did we get here? How do we fix this?"
2. I have not been a perfect husband. I have never been unfaithful, but I haven't been the most attentive husband, either, for reasons I'll delve into in later posts. The affair is a by-product of both of us losing our way.
3. If you're gonna just tell me "Women suck! Stop blaming yourself! Women suck! Cut the bitch loose!" - you might as well spend your time elsewhere. I don't excuse what she did and I don't totally understand it, but pretending I wasn't part of the problem would be ignorant and incorrect.
4. We are trying to work it out. It's what I want. I think it's what she wants.
5. If you know us in real life, this whole situation would stun you. On the outside, we could not be a seemingly more normal, happy family. (Yes, we have a child. More on that later.) You could probably argue that many of our friends think we are the perfect family. Successful careers, beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood, large circle of friends, all of that cliched crap.
6. It's seriously fucking hard.
I really know how to suck the life out of the room, don't I?
In the coming days, I'm going to recount how I found out about the affair, what our relationship was like before and what it's been like since and probably ramble incoherently at times about things that seem totally unrelated to the situation.
Because that's how I roll. (I am so white.)
Thanks for listening.