Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Answers To Your Questions

I think there are a few questions that probably need to be answered.

Is this all real or are you making it up for the attention?
If I wanted attention, I could dance down my street naked, singing Beyonce songs. No, this is not for attention. I needed an outlet to talk about the situation, but not one in which people knew me. Friends tend to take sides and make judgments and that's not what I'm looking for. I just want to get the thoughts out of my head. The entire thing is very isolating and this feels like a way to connect with a community of sorts that might offer some insight and/or support.

And, yes, this is all very real. I haven't fudged a single word and don't plan on it. I've left out names and made some details vague for privacy reasons, but this isn't fiction. I wish it was, but it's not.

You are making jokes about something that seems pretty serious. Why?
Because a sense of humor is about the only thing helping to keep me sane at the moment. I'm not making light of the situation, but even in the hardest of moments, I can see the humor. It's good to be able to laugh once in awhile. Totally beats crying.

Does your wife know you're doing this?
No, she does not. I'm not sure she'd understand at this point why it feels like a necessity for me. I'm not intentionally keeping it from her - I've already learned about the damage lying can do to a relationship - but I'm not making a point to tell her, either. As I said above, I'm making sure that her privacy is not compromised.

What if she finds out, gets totally pissed and asks you to stop?
Then I'll stop. I won't do anything that threatens our attempt at reconciliation.

If you hate The Assface, shouldn't you hate your wife, too? It's not like he made her do it.
Good point. But it's different. I love her and I don't love him. I know exactly where she was at in her life when this happened and from our talks over the last eight weeks, I know that she was in a pretty fragile state and entered into the relationship with far different expectations than he did. Again - it doesn't excuse what she did, but I don't think she entered into it lightly, where I do believe that he entered into it simply to get laid. Tough to explain. I don't hate her. I love her.

Why not just leave her?
Because I love her. Because despite our setbacks over the last few years, we've had a good marriage. Because she's been my best friend for a very long time. Because I want to grow old with her. Because I love her.

If you could say anything to The Assface, what would it be?
Tell your wife before she finds out on her own. Because she will. (I would place a few strategic F-bombs in those two sentences, too.)

Is writing here every day helping?
More than I thought it would, actually.

Do you care if people read this?
Yes, I do. As I mentioned above, one of things I'm hoping for is insight from folks who have no stake in the situation. So, yes, I hope a few more readers will trickle in to offer an opinion or two.

What if Oprah discovers your blog and invites you on the show?

I would decline. Remaining anonymous and maintaining our privacy is kind of important right now for the health of our marriage.

How long are you going to do this?

I do not have the answer to that.


  1. I commend you for writing. I think a blog is essentially an online journal and if it helps you, keep it up.