So I mentioned yesterday how we were planning a night out that we were both looking forward to. A friend's party and a night at a swanky hotel.
And then I got an email.
It was anonymous, of course, as all hateful, painful, cruel emails are. I myself have never sent one so I'm not entirely sure what possesses a person to send one, but now I know what it's like to receive one.
It was a short one. Just told me that my wife was having an affair. Told me The Assface's name. Mentioned where they worked. Said they were terribly sorry to have to tell me. The End.
I knew everything in the email - there was no new information for me. This person obviously thought I didn't know and certainly if I hadn't, it would've been like a brick to the groin. So it didn't carry that kind of pain when I read it. But it was like ripping a gigantic scab off a gaping wound. Literally took my breath away. Like all the work I've put in over the last two months in trying to get through this went right out the window. All the insecurity and jealousy and anger and sadness just walked back into the room and took a seat next to me, waving at me, like they'd missed me.
I tried to keep it from my wife, determined not to let it ruin our weekend, but she knew immediately something was wrong and eventually got it out of me and I showed it to her. Our assumption is that it is someone from work, which is a little scary, as she didn't think anyone knew.
Why send me the email? Are you trying to hurt me? Trying to hurt my wife? Trying to hurt Assface? Not for a second do I believe this person had my best interest at heart. A real friend wouldn't send an email. That's what a fucking coward does. And why now? Am I missing something? Is my wife lying to me again? Is that what I'm supposed to think? Or were you just working up the courage to send me this shitty email, in hopes of causing a little chaos? Because I don't get it.
I've chosen to believe my wife, that the affair ended when she told me it did. We painstakingly backtracked over the last few weeks and if she was sneaking around behind my back, I think I would've had to have been dead for a couple days to not see it. There's no proof. The irrational side of me is unnerved by receiving the email NOW, but the rational side of me knows there isn't a goddamn ounce of proof that anything's happened because my wife has been an open book and we went back through that open book yesterday to reassure me.
So I believe her.
We went ahead with our night out, but it wasn't the same. Last night and this morning were weighted down by constant buzz of tension that neither of us could shake - I couldn't get the email out of my head and she is now fearful about repercussions at work. We tried to have a good time - put on our fake smiles, had some drinks, laughed with friends, stayed in bed with one another - but it all felt forced.
So to whomever sent me that email - I have no clue why you sent it. You hurt me, that's for sure. You hurt my wife, that's for sure. But you didn't tell me anything I'm not already dealing with. Your little surprise info bomb carried all the weight of a water balloon.
Fuck you for ruining my weekend.